Let’s imagine that one day, after many years of marriage, your wife comes to you and tells you that she’s deeply, profoundly dissatisfied. She’s lost any sense of her own sexuality, she’s losing connection with her “best self,” and she misses the thrill and intoxication of a new relationship. For the vast majority of married couples, a conversation like this would touch off an extraordinary crisis. It might be followed by the confession of a marriage-breaking affair, it might touch off a desperate effort to save the relationship, or it might launch a years-long cold war, leaving the couple to grind out their days together without solving their problems.

But a small number of couples settle on a different choice: They open the marriage. They become “non-monogamous” (the term preferred over “polyamorous”) and “explore their sexuality.” They thrill to new love and discover more about themselves. They embrace the benefits of security and liberty, keeping a home for the kids while reserving weekends away for their affairs. Isn’t this at least one valid path for consenting adults? Shouldn’t more couples consider this lifestyle? Are we still too trapped by tradition and our own petty jealousies to live what could truly be our best lives?

These are the questions asked in a new, extraordinarily long New York Times Magazine piece about polyamory. Writer Susan Dominus profiles multiple non-monogamous couples without a trace of judgment, charting their paths to open marriages, following their new love interests, and circling back months later to track their progress.