Men care more than women do about how hot their dates are, and that’s okay

The men (and women!) interviewed in the New York Post article undoubtedly appear shallow and obnoxious. But the message of the article itself—that while looks are incredibly important to men in particular, they don’t necessarily close the deal or make a happy marriage—is one our grandparents would likely find too obvious even to merit discussion.

Female youth, beauty, and (ahem) proportions will always be incredibly important to men, who tend to be more visual. Power, financial wherewithal, and experience are attractive to women. But none of these initial attractors are sufficient to keep couples in love until their 50th, 70th, or 80th (!) wedding anniversaries. So men and women in the market for long-term happiness would do well to make sure they’re not allowing these important factors to overwhelm others, like compatibility, shared values, and a common vision for the future.

The relentless drive to make men and women not only equals but interchangeable, especially in the realm of relationships and sex, is not only doomed to fail—sometimes with spectacularly bad unintended consequences—it makes us all, men and women, more unhappy in our relationships with one another.