Having a kid made me hate my dog

But as our son got older, the dog became a bigger and bigger annoyance. After hours of rocking, lulling, and cajoling the baby to sleep, I’d finally be settling him down in the crib when the dog would begin barking at something outside. Any item that had come in contact with breastmilk was eaten and then pooped inside the house. One night, he ate an entire baby bottle full of milk and then threw up in the bed around 3 a.m., creating a horrifying tangle of bedsheets, breastmilk, baby bottle, and dog bile that had to be cleaned and sanitized while the baby screamed and screamed.

When our son started walking, the dog was no longer able to evade him and would be grabbed, pulled, kicked, and body slammed by a relentless toddler with no concept of how a dachshund’s body type is both contrary to all the laws of nature and extremely susceptible to injury. I began researching dachshund back trusses, terrified that my son was going to paralyze him. And as our son got bigger and more mobile it became increasingly difficult to keep baby toys, utensils, and food away from the dog. I’d cook a healthy dinner for my son only to turn long enough to grab a sippy cup and return to find all the food eaten and the expensive plastic baby bib demolished.

We were unable to walk the dog and work out his nervous energy because he would slip out of his collar, terrified, and try to run home. I’d chased him through the woods six months pregnant and carrying a toddler for 20 minutes before corralling him and getting him back inside. He’d broken gentle leaders and pulled so hard on choke collars that his neck would be covered in scabs.