Sure, money matters, but for many men, sex matters more. Does married sex measure up, or is it as listless and infrequent as some single men seem to think?
When it comes to frequency, men who cohabit do have an advantage. According to the General Social Survey, 52 percent of cohabiting young men (20–39) have sex at least twice a week, compared to 42 percent of married men. But single men have the least sex, with only 37 percent of single guys in their twenties and thirties having that much sex.
On average, the quality of married sex trumps that of unmarried sex. In the National Health and Social Life Survey, 51 percent of married men reported that they were extremely emotionally satisfied with sex, compared with 39 percent of cohabiting men and 36 percent of single men. Married men also found sex more physically pleasurable than men in unmarried relationships. These findings run counter to just about every movie, sitcom, and music video we’ve seen.
What’s going on here? We think guys benefit from the sexual investments that marriage encourages on the part of both parties. As one middle-aged spouse told researchers: “I think for sex you need more time, time to get in sync, time to know your partner, time to get to know what the other person likes or doesn’t like.”
Contrary to the stereotype of married men begging their wives for sex, what we see in the real world is that good sex is often built on the sacrifices spouses make for one another, inside and outside the bedroom. That obviously includes forsaking extramarital sex. The sense of commitment and trust engendered by marriage, then, translates into a better sexual connection.
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