No, "ecosexuals," Mother Nature doesn't want to have sex with you

Here’s the thing: Deep down, I suspect many so-called ecosexuals—according to Stephens, there are approximately 100,000 around the world, and as Vice reports, the term has “spiked dramatically” on Google searches over the past year—might not spend that much time in the actual wilderness at all.

Amanda Morgan, a faculty member at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas who is “involved in the ecosexual movement,” tells Vice that ecosexuality should be measured on a scale, with people “who enjoy skinny dipping or naked hiking” on the more conservative end, and people who make love to waterfalls or potted plants on the other.

Forget getting intimate with your neighbor’s begonias. Naked hiking? Seriously? Anyone who has done serious hiking of any sort can tell you this might be just about the worst idea on the planet. It is a recipe for scars, a prescription for scrapes, and an invitation for insects—not to mention the horrifying candirus of the world—to descend upon your nether regions with impunity.

Ah, well. Details, details. Forget serious conservation measures; back to the experiential art fair we go! It’s on pavement, packed with food trucks, and probably even offers some shopping options. Be careful, though: You might run into an aggressive pigeon or two.