The reality of motherhood requires the pro-life movement to recognize a tension: adoption is life-affirming and good, but adoption is also tragic. Unfortunately, some circumstances require separating a mother and child, and pro-lifers must offer life-giving opportunities in this case without overlooking the motherhood of the woman.

The modern adoption process recognizes this tension—the role of the mother in the process has increased. Today mothers can choose the adoptive family for their babies based on profiles and enter into an open adoption, reducing the separation. The mother is also provided with counseling services and care throughout her pregnancy and after giving birth.

Perhaps those who acknowledge this best are the adoptive families who live in this tension of dual motherhood. In a beautiful blog post about the birth mothers of her two children, Shayann Barger—who has two children from two different mothers, one with a closed adoption and one with an open adoption—demonstrates the bond between adoptive and birth mothers.

This connection is not only based on shared experiences, but a recognition that they “are BOTH mothers.” She emphasizes: “Please note, I said mothers. Plural. Mothers. We do not co-parent, but we both completely love our little girl as mothers.” Barger describes the love she has for these women: “there is no word yet created, in any language, that describes the intimate bond that is created when one woman places a piece of herself into another woman’s arms to raise.” Barger not only affirms life, but affirms motherhood.