Now that oppression is rampant on our nation’s campuses, many colleges and universities have established “bias teams” and “diversity officers” whose job it is to root out and eliminate any whiff of patriarchy or disenfranchisement before social justice warriors melt down, safe spaces are invaded and entire campus communities collapse under the weight of their own manufactured outrage.

The University of Minnesota, for example, which just hosted a “fat activist” to help its School of Public Health students learn why diets and exercise are the tools of “thin privilege,” has a VP of diversity who holds “office hours” on three random dates, for two hours at a time.

You have to make your appointments in advance, you forfeit your appointment if you’re five minutes late, and sign up begins 30 minutes in advance of office-hour shifts. So students should prepare for safe space violations as they vie, elbow to elbow, with other social justice warriors for some precious gripe time.