I am about to cast the most consequential vote in my youngish inconsequential life. Because of a few accidents of history in this crazypants election cycle, and a weird strategic decision I made five years ago, I am about to hold more power in a national election than I have ever had, or will likely ever have again, or really ever should have.

And here is how I am going to wield it: I am going to vote for a man I disdain, an empty suit who is the wholly owned subsidiary of a rich old plutocrat; a man who skitters cockroach-like toward whichever position might keep him safe from having to say what he really thinks; a man whose every stated opinion on any social issue fills me with disgust; a man who has debased himself so much in this race that, by his own admission, he has become an embarrassment to his own children.

That is the man who gets my vote. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do.

Deep breath.