For the past seven years I’ve been talking with parents and their children, trying to understand why some children are respectful even though most of their peers are not. The difference is in the parents.

Here’s some of what those parents have taught me: Require respectful behavior at all times. It’s OK to disagree. It’s never OK to be disrespectful. Prioritize the family. The family meal at home is more important than piling on after-school extracurricular activities. Instead of boosting self-esteem, teach humility. Fight the cultural imperative to be “awesome.”

Moreover, no screens when you are with your child. Put your cellphone away. No electronic devices at the dinner table. Teach the art of face-to-face conversation. No devices in a public setting, such as the doctor’s office. Govern your children’s use of social media, television and any device with a screen.

If you’re going to make a change, don’t be subtle. New Year’s Day is as good a time as any to sit down with your children and explain that there are going to be some changes in this household: changes in how we talk, in how we behave, in how we treat one another. It is possible to create a culture of respect in the home while living in the U.S. today. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.