Kids, understood implicitly as moral beings, had adults to rely upon to help them navigate life’s ups and downs as they matured. For those rare kids who were spared much adversity in their young lives, there were lessons and examples aplenty in the things they read as a matter of course at school. No parents are perfect, but social pressure and the way things were constantly taught and reinforced living well.

Take one example: If one wants to know how human beings are supposed to face trials and overcome, how to be generous and giving toward others in need, great literature like the Bible, Dickens, Shakespeare, and Aesop’s fables offer excellent instruction with timeless examples for all ages and stations. For some kids in the past, that included Cicero and Aurelias, and Augustine and Aquinas.

Morals and ethics, taught by literature and the great philosophers; useful examples from history of famous and infamous people; the American Founders and other great souls in Western Civilization; all of these have been and still are instructive. Directly and indirectly, they taught children that happiness, success—whatever you want to call it—was a product of living a good, honorable, and productive life. Being a doctor or a lawyer has always been a fine goal, but you should have that goal because it makes you a benefit to society, not simply because it makes your family look good, your mom proud, and your car a Lexus. It is a matter of emphasis and of having a goal bigger than yourself and your own contentment.

Again, Lythcott-Haims does not ignore the need for kids to learn to be good people and develop admirable character. It is just that she doesn’t emphasize this as the main goal that helps to produce whatever else we look for in life.