Major League Baseball’s Home Run Derby, set for Monday, is a tedious monstrosity of batting-practice gluttony, a swing-killing relic of the steroid era. It is an elephantine affront to the grace, agility and precision of the game.

The derby, a home-run-hitting competition that precedes the All-Star Game every year, bears as much resemblance to baseball as a hippo does to a thoroughbred. Four players from each league take turns at the plate. The catcher might as well not wear a glove because most pro ballplayers could catch these lobs barehanded. The slow, arching pitches float right into the hitter’s sweet spot, where he can generate maximum power to send the ball over the fence. Batters don’t even wear helmets. The best home run swing is an upper cut, which gives the ball distance and loft. In other words, the swing major leaguers use during real batting practice — the one that yields a line drive — is either invisible or devalued. You score only by hitting a home run.

This can take hours. So organizers have introduced an NBA-style five-minute show clock for each batter, one that will still pause each time a home run is hit in the final minute. Here’s a better idea:

Stop it. Bury the derby and its increasingly desperate bells and whistles. It cannot be saved. It must go. Now.