You may think, like I did, that an open marriage means you are simply open to having sex with other partners. But as we dug deeper into the reality, the desires and the fears that come with the territory — we realized it is not that simple.

When you step outside your marriage and into another person’s bed you may say its “just sex” — but in reality you just invited that person to step into your whole life, and they probably will. You’ll be in your kitchen, with your spouse, when the texts appear on your phone. Are you free Saturday? You’ll be driving in your car with your kids, when the song that reminds you of your lover plays. And suddenly, they are right there in the car with you.

What I discovered about myself was interesting. It wasn’t the idea of Chris having sex with someone else that truly bothered me. I can even admit that if I envision a particular Victoria’s Secret supermodel with him — it’s actually a turn-on.

What crippled me was the realization that while you can compartmentalize the physicality of sex in your mind, you can’t keep real intimacy separated from real life.