I knew we were in for a culture shock when, just before getting on our plane to the Russian wasteland, a particularly hearty looking Yakutian flight attendant asked us (in Russian): “Why the fuck are you going to Yakutsk?”

But it ended up being a wonderful place, with incredibly warm people living in a frozen jungle—and it was actually a lot like Canada. A trip through a fish market filled with prehistoric looking creatures, the frozen pike sushi, and wild dogs cemented it for me: I’m moving there.

Of course, we went for the mammoths. But vodka and insanity followed when we discovered the existence of a unique gray market—one based the shipment of ancient mammoth ivory to China and elsewhere in Asia by minor mafia syndicates, destined to be chopped up for traditional gifts. Some of the ivory carving factories, which had serious sweatshop vibes, had artists who sat around all day hacking up artefacts that should be in the Smithsonian.