Meet Chuck Schumer, one of the most trivial pols ever and your next Senate minority leader

If we are living in anything like a “Libertarian Moment”—that technologically empowered drive toward greater and greater control over more aspects of our lives and a period of increasingly individualized and hyper-personalized ways of living—Schumer has standing athwart history and yelling “Stop!” every second of the day, herniating himself in a mad dash to be in charge of everything everywhere. His efforts no doubt get in the way and slow down innovation, progress, and a truly plural society, but that he has so far been incapable of killing off the future completely is cause for celebration.

Here’s a list of quickly ginned-up headlines of what our next illustrious Senate leader has been up to over his time in Washington. Add your own in the comments.

All kidding aside, as a country we have a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be proud of, and a lot to be ashamed of.