Of course, way too many guys think they’re feminists but don’t live up to it. A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career. He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career. Things are moving in this direction: A 2014 study by the moving company Mayflower found that 72 percent of millennials would move for a female spouse’s job, compared with 59 percent of baby boomers.
The challenge of breaking out of rigid gender roles isn’t limited to straight daters. “Both my partner and I have known butches who are so into being butch that it can be like dating a man who’s a bit sexist,” lesbian writer Donna Minkowitz, 50, tells me. “And I’ve known gay couples who are so rigid in their gender division . . . one man doesn’t want his partner to work, wants him to stay home with the kids.”
Minkowitz thinks that sometimes straight people fear that if they try to have an egalitarian relationship, sexual attraction will suffer. “That’s an unnecessary worry,” she says, “because you can still admire the way a person is masculine or feminine without buying into a whole socioeconomic package that goes along with that.”
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