Traveling while Latino

When I set off for my year of travel, I visited South America first so that I could explore my roots without the inhibitions I occasionally felt in the States. Initially, my travels in the region came as a relief. People listened to my family’s music, ate my family’s cuisine, spoke my family’s language, followed my family’s customs. People hugged each other often and didn’t think twice about inviting you over for dinner or drinks. Communities gathered in plazas on weekends to chat or listen to music, and even older people and parents of young children stayed out socializing late into the night. When I visited bars on weekends, it seemed like everyone was dancing.

But ultimately I was not quite at home in Latin America either. My Spanish had a bit of an American accent; I preferred American folk music to Latin American rock; and my independence was foreign to many women I met. Older women would approach me when I rode city buses alone to ask in confusion: “Where is your boyfriend? Where is your father? Why are you alone?” When I attended a birthday party with my female cousins, the conversation was not about whether to leave your career to get married and have children, but when. They were shocked to hear about my two years living and working in San Francisco: “You lived in an apartment on your own? So far from your family?” Locals began calling me gringita, claiming I had become too Americanized. And even though we shared a heritage, many people I met in the region didn’t seem to understand what it was like to be in the minority. When I told my family members about my political views or my previous job as a teacher helping immigrant Latino students gain access to education, it was difficult for them to understand how Latinos in the United States were at such a statistical disadvantage. They didn’t have to defend their culture, or work for its equality. Meanwhile, I could only understand my culture through its position in the United States; my second-generation identity could not exist anywhere but there. That made me feel more American than anything else.