Note to self: Don't run for office

Suspicion: Candidates must drain all spontaneity, whimsy and spur-of-the-moment impulse from their personalities. The sooner they become petrified, on-message cyborgs, the better.

Confirmation: The memo warns that any “slight deviation from the agreed upon message could end up being very damaging to the campaign.” Therefore, the candidate must become rigorously steeped in something called “the Q. and A. document,” a cheat sheet that “contains the rhetorical tools the candidate needs to navigate every politically tricky question” and arrive at a safe, focus-grouped pabulum. But remember, a candidate has to want to be great: “The Q. and A. is only as good as it is internalized by the candidate,” the memo states.

Suspicion: Candidates are right to act like petrified, on-message cyborgs.

Confirmation: Candidates can expect to have every word scrutinized, documented and seized upon for any possible slip-up. According to the memo, the Democratic Party of Georgia will employ a hostile, camera-equipped monitor, or “tracker,” at as many of Perdue’s campaign events as possible. Nunn, too, can expect that some interloper from the opposition will be present at every appearance, in the hope that she will falter for his camera. “This footage is transcribed by the tracker,” the memo says, “and uploaded to a shared server that is accessible by our staff, our media team, and the D.S.C.C.”