With the exception of the occasional anodyne anecdote, none of the gamey stuff is sourced. Everyone is anonymous, and sometimes one or more times removed from the actual event. The dialogue is so wooden that even Rush Limbaugh, no fan of the Obamas or the Clintons, detected the tell-tale sound of the wooden nickel: “Some of the quotes strike me as odd, in the sense that I don’t know people who speak this way.” Neither, I would guess, do the Obamas or the Clintons.

The reason I started with that woman who just had to buy whatever magazine I was selling is that by nightfall the sale had been canceled by her husband. As I recall, this was a provision in the law to protect people who were incapable of saying “no thanks.” I lost a nice commission, but that was all right with me. I was ashamed of how I earned it.

Now, I feel something ought to be done for the poor, innocent conservative. What I recommend is a federal agency — the Conservative Protection Commission (CPC) — with an appropriate headquarters in Washington and, of course, a fair number of regional offices, more in the South than, say, the Northeast for obvious reasons. I recognize that this is a liberal solution to a conservative problem, but — truly — these people need help. They will buy anything.