Granted, in this, my own tastes skew Old Testament – more sex, blood and intrigue, etc. Well, Old Testament in spirit. Take the Maccabees: It’s not cannon for everyone, I realize, but this movie almost happened. Mel Gibson should never have been thrown off the project. Actually, he should be forced to direct the movie as reparation to Jews – nay, all moviegoers — worldwide. As someone put it to me recently: has your favorite director produced even one moneymaking epic in a dead language? Because Mel’s done it twice. And because the Macaabees didn’t merely sit around waiting for the oil to run out — they waged a ruthless guerrilla war, massacred interlopers, burned down pagan temples and trekked the countryside forcibly circumcising boys — few directors can be trusted to bring us all the bellicose details quite like the Mel Gibson of Apocalypto, Braveheart and The Passion.

How about King David? Fighter. Poet. Lover. User of technologically advanced weaponry to slay existential threats. The man harnessed his smarts and charisma to create a kingdom for the Jews and then promptly abused that power in every way imaginable. You have your bloodshed, infidelity, intra-familial civil war, lust and male bonding – not in that order. Want a prequel or a sequel, then there’s Saul and Solomon. Though it’s been tried numerous times (most recently, Richard Gere took a flawed stab at it in the mid-80s and before that there was David and Bathsheba with Gregory Peck) it’s a story that deserves an epic upgrade.

You can on and on, of course. Biblical movies need not sermonize, just be honest to the foundational story. As powerful as the message is for people of faith, it’s really great storytelling.