In Wade’s utopia men will open up to one another if we stop saying the naughty words I’ve mistaken for terms of endearment all these years. No more saying the dread homophobic slur “you suck,” if your buddy drops a pass during a game of pick-up football—and, come to think of it, no more tackling either.

But saying nice words for the sake of saying nice words doesn’t really do it for men. There are plenty of people around to wish me a “good weekend,” but only my closest friends call me up on Saturday and say, “We’re going to the bar tonight. Are you going to be a Paddy or a Pussy?” Wade may have missed the fact that we live in the age of irony, but American men are well aware. We relish the empty insult over the empty compliment, an idea so self-evident that even the TED Talk community picked up on it.

Contra Wade’s claims, men do not shun intimacy because of masculinity, but because of femininity. We fear women’s judgment more than that of the Lord, which may be why men are 25 percent more likely to censor their Facebook posts than women.

If we are to engage in Wade’s personal disclosure relationships, we first must feel secure. That is why men have always felt comfortable in clubs, fraternities, and other exclusive groups. Membership implies discretion: What happens at the Rotary Club stays at the Rotary Club, enabling men to open up and speak frankly. While men enjoy access to these types of bonds in, say, college fraternities, these places vanish in adulthood.