Twelve Drummers Drumming and 11 Pipers Piping: Fife-and-drum corps have long been a part of U.S. military tradition, used to convey orders, keep time to marches or rally the troops. Today, the Pentagon employs the historic units more often to bolster morale, perform at special functions and conduct public outreach. The Army’s Old Guard Fife and Drum Corps serves as an official ceremonial unit and escort to the president, and most years plays at the National Archives on the Fourth of July when the Declaration of Independence is read.

Ten Lords-a-Leaping: The government has yet to buy any lords, leaping or otherwise, but it does have LEAP, the Leveraging Educational Assistance Partnership program at the Education Department to give need-based grants and work-study assistance to students.

Nine Ladies Dancing: The federal government is actually a major underwriter of dance programs. Last year, the State Department gave a $1.5 million grant to the Brooklyn Academy of Music to support cultural exchange dance programs, and the Commerce Department gave a $1 million grant to Keshet Dance Company in New Mexico as an investment for public works facilities.