Once, at a friend’s wedding, I was cornered by another guest and forced to answer the question, “Well, what would happen if you accidentally got pregnant?” She was implying that under that circumstance, I would have to change my mind. A passing acquaintance, at a wedding, was basically confronting me about whether I would choose abortion over my silly little lifelong commitment to not raising children, you know, if push came to shove.

I was livid. More than livid, I was embarrassed. I understand the pressure from parents who want to become grandparents, but from another woman, it’s bullying, plain and simple. Asking questions about why I don’t want kids is really none of your business, but at least it’s a dialogue. Telling me straight up that I will “change my mind” because you are so sure that I will suddenly realize one day that my decision is the wrong one — that’s not only rude, it’s an attack. And think about how painful that kind of statement might be to a woman who can’t have kids, and who has thus far been politely humoring you so she can get another glass of white wine before they shut down the open bar?

You can see this bullying in the media coverage of those who are “childfree by choice” (which sounds like a dull and defensive name for an otherwise fun group of people.)