Amid our post-industrial, hi-tech economy, it takes longer to gain the personal insights and occupational skills needed to make a successful transition to adulthood. It takes time not just to develop the practical knowledge needed to negotiate a rapidly changing world but also to gain a clear sense of purpose about one’s own life and about the kind of person one wishes to have as a life partner.

In my own research, young women from diverse backgrounds consistently agreed, in the words of one of my respondents, that “you need to find out who you are first” before you are ready to choose a lifelong partner. This woman was the first member of her family to graduate from college.

But whether they were graduates of an elite university or making their way through a community college while holding a full-time job, these young women were keenly aware of the challenges facing today’s relationships. They overwhelmingly hope to create a lasting marriage — or “marriage-like relationship” — in the long run.

But they also believe the best chance of making a marriage work is to first establish their own identity and independence. As another young woman put it, as she discussed her plans to finish college and find a good job before settling down, “I want to be stable for myself, so I’m not getting married prematurely.”