Now I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there’s somebody very special in my life who is missing tonight, somebody who has always got my back, stands with me no matter what and gives me hope no matter how dark things seem. So tonight, I want to publicly thank my rock, my foundation — thank you, Nate Silver. (Laughter.)

Of course as I begin my second term, our country is still facing enormous challenges. We have a lot of work to do — that, Marco Rubio, is how you take a sip of water. (Laughter and applause.)

As I was saying, we face major challenges. March in particular is going to be full of tough decisions. But I want to assure you, I have my top advisors working around the clock. After all, my March Madness bracket isn’t going to fill itself out. (Laughter.) And don’t worry — there is an entire team in the situation room as we speak, planning my next golf outing, right now at this moment. (Laughter.)…

I’m also doing what I can to smooth things over with Republicans in Congress. In fact, these days John McCain and I are spending so much time together that he told me we were becoming friends. I said, “John, stop. Chuck Hagel warned me how this ends up.” (Laughter.)