2. They’re no less manly than legwear past. You may be dismayed by pics like these, featuring Euroweenie-like dudes crossing their legs in teal stockings. But teal has always been an awful color, and testosterone-friendly men’s hose have been around much longer than today’s fashion wimp. It is a long way to reach back to Shakespearean times, but fortunately, we don’t have to. Errol Flynn may have only acted in tights, but so did Christopher Reeve, and no one’s more manly than Superman. What’s more, America has its own insuperable historical precedent for mixing leggy male fashion with courageous ambition of the highest order. The same Founders who wrote the words “manly firmness” so approvingly into the Declaration sported calf-high stockings designed to show off their musculature to a society that loved to admire a man’s legs. Mantyhose goes all the way up, of course — either an opportunity to out-Washington Washington, or to choose your own hemline adventure. The idea that making such choices is an inherently girlish or fanciful thing to do is just a gender construct.

3. They’re way less ugly than other bad fashion choices. Anything would be an improvement on the unofficial uniform of the stereotypical American male (overlarge t-shirt, shapeless khakis or jeans, white socks, the dreaded big white sneakers). Indeed, mantyhose offer an uncomplicated, even austere alternative to fashion debacles past, present, and future, including double-pleated pants, Uggs, ’90s ties, footwear like these, and unbuttoned-up vests. There’s no real reason why any individual male ought to prefer hose at any point in historical time. But there’s never any real reason not to.