Have the kickoff at 7 p.m. People can party hearty. After all, it’s Saturday night. No Monday morning hangovers. No lost productivity ($850 million and 1.4 sick days, according to this report) on the following Monday across our brain-fogged nation. And remember—the children! Every time a Super Bowl runs past 10 p.m.—which is to say every year—I wonder, aren’t there third-grade boys all up and down the Eastern Seaboard shedding violent tears right now? I guess most parents grudgingly let them stay up, but if the game were on Saturday, this wouldn’t be an issue. So it’s a family-values move as well as one enabling more drinking. Of how many things can we say that?

I know where most of the protests are going to come from. The West Coast, where the 3:30 kickoff time suits most people fine. Look, I love the West Coast. But face it, we don’t set the starting time of anything based on what you want. It’s Eastern standard time that made this country great, so please just leave matters like this to us.