I found dialysis to be even more difficult the second time around; it was enough to keep me alive, but not as efficient at blood-cleansing as the kidney. I went through a truly terrifying experience of not having any connection with my body, or anyone else’s. I had to touch the bed with my hand, or a table, to ground myself. The only way I can explain this is if you have ever been on the Disney ride, The Haunted House, where voices come at you out of thin air, but nothing about this was fun or entertaining.

This is difficult to explain; as I write this, I am uncomfortable. You might wonder if this isn’t how things always are for me, as a blind person, but it isn’t. In this experience, it was as if others (and even I) were only disembodied voices, floating in space.

My toxic blood was running throughout my whole body, including my brain, and affecting my perceptions in this way. It was truly terrifying. I felt haunted, and there was nothing fun or safe about it.