After rarely courting over the previous two years, the pair had an intense summer bromance they’ll never forget: a big outing, frequent dates (albeit with an occasional third wheel), shared secrets, big dreams, their friends cheering them on. But it was promises, promises – all the time promises.

Then President Barack Obama began to complain that Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) never wants to talk about problems – he just leaves. Boehner stewed that Obama doesn’t know what he really wants, and keeps changing his mind. There were breakups and reconciliations.

But they stayed together to protect their reputations around campus, and for the good of the country. The president gave the speaker his freedom, figuring that if what they had was really real, he’d come back before long, and they could consummate things before going off on separate vacations.

Then on Friday, SPLITSVILLE. And we’re not talking moping, or regret, or private tears. They were so furious, they told EVERYONE. To make sure their side of the story got out, both of them went on live TV to spill all the gory details: the betrayals, the dalliances, an ignored phone call, an unhealthy obsession with the base, the failure to deliver at climactic moments.