Charlie Sheen -- a linguistic analysis

Self-help guru. Sheen’s 12-step program has only one step: Sheer force of will. Asked about his substance abuse problems, Sheen said “I cured it with my brain, with my mind.” If there’s a method to his program, it’s channeling his anger into productive activity. “People say you have to work on your resentments,” he said. “Yeah, no, I’m gonna hang onto them and they’re gonna fuel my attack.” Like any savvy guru, he dismisses programs other than his own: “Alcoholics Anonymous reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.” He even has prime-time ready slogans. “Can’t is the cancer of happen,” he says.

Cult leader. Charisma. Inflated sense of self. Belief that one is chosen and deserving of worship. Check, check, check. There may not be a real cult of Charlie Sheen, but he’s leading it nonetheless. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not special,” he says. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total freaking rock star from Mars.” Other people cannot be like him, because they don’t have “tiger blood and Adonis DNA.” In fact, it would be dangerous to try: “I am on a drug,” he says. “It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” But they can worship him—he has a soft spot for his “beautiful fans”—and revel in his success. “Don’t be worried,” he reassured fans. “Celebrate this movement.”