You are now a pop culture freak thanks to lowering yourself to the level of Kate Gosselin. Three million carnivalgoers enter the TLC tent to look at you each Sunday night. But when it comes time to elect a president in two years, it won’t be someone from the sideshow tent who gets their votes, believe me.

And by the way, don’t get too excited about your audience of 3 million once a week. Bill O’Reilly gets almost 4 million five nights a week, and he no longer has to play the crazed clown like Glenn Beck to do it. Nor does he have to kill any animals like you — or hang around with the likes of Kate Gosselin.