If it’s a fight these tea-party Jacobins want, it’s a fight they shall have

“Gentlemen, at long last it is time to draw a line in the sand,” I announced. “For too long we have stood by idly while these insipid cretins – the Palins, the Limbaughs, the Becks – have run roughshod over our once proud party, making it a mockery and ruining our social standing, advancing the insane notion that years of Washington experience and good breeding are somehow trumped by idiotic pledges to dismantle the very government on which their very existence depends. Well, my friends, I say unto you, with this Delaware disaster they have gone a bridge too far. Today we begin the counterattack, and we will make it plain to the insurrectionists that they shan’t see another dime of our inheritances.”

The polite huzzahs and claps emanating from the speaker-phone indicated to me that my call to arms was striking a chord within the heart of traditional Republicanism. Heartened, I pressed on.

“If it is a fight the Jacobins want, then it is a fight they shall have,” I added with a pugilistic flourish. “And let this be their warning – I once took 4th place in the East Hampton Silver Gloves boxing tournament.”