Finally: Men’s roller derby

“Futures John, will you take a knee right here please?” Rockey says. “Can you tell me the name you wish to be known as?”

“Jimmy Rage,” he replies.

“On behalf of the team, I dub thee Jimmy Rage, our newest teammate on the New York Shock Exchange,” the captain says. “Please rise and take your skates and join us, teammate. Let’s give a round of applause for Jimmy Rage!”