Women and men who are desperate for attention also find captive criminals easier to love. Isenberg notes that real celebrities are less likely to respond to fan mail than someone in prison, making it easier to actually develop a relationship with the often-dangerous criminals. “Any guy sitting in jail or on death row will focus attention out of boredom,” she says. “But that romantic focus is like a blazing light to some women.”

A frisson of danger also seems part of the allure. But dating a suspected killer obviously holds real danger. Through her extensive research that also included talking to inmates, psychologists and social workers, she found that most of the women were victims of sexual or violent abuse, and many others were just interested in a relationship that could never be normal. Ultimately, the women sought out these relationships because the man couldn’t hurt her if he was locked away. “Their capacity for denial and their need for a safe, idealized, romantic fantasy of love transcend judgment,” she writes.

In other words: women who pursue a relationship with someone who is captive have the ultimate control.