The quixotic quest for a tablet computer that's actually useful

I began this column by saying that mankind seems to have some deep-seated, almost genetic, desire for tablets to work and play on. What I didn’t say is that we need such a tablet. And there’s the rub. The Apple iPad is a good looking device, with a spectacular display, and apparently very fast processing speeds for applications like video, photos, games, etc. It also seems to be fully compatible with the iPhone and iPod Touch (indeed, it’s like elephantine version of the latter), which opens up that vast library of 100,000 apps that have been created by users over the last couple years. It is also, as with most Apple products, beautifully designed and imperially slim — the kind of thing that makes you feel cooler just holding it in your hand.

Or rather, I should say hands, because the iPad weighs 1.5 pounds. Trying holding a quart of milk in your hand and see how long that’s comfortable. The iPad also lacks multi-tasking (which means it’s not really a computer), a phone (which means it’s not really a smartphone), a camera, USB ports, removable media, removable battery, and a real keyboard. It also has a surprisingly large bezel around the display because, after all, that bigger form factor means you can hold the iPad around the edges like the iPhone, but have to grip it in your increasingly weary hands. And if that’s the case, why not just by a netbook with, you know, an actual keyboard?

That’s not enough to make the iPad a failure, or even just a moderately successful product. As Jobs himself pointed out, there are a 75 million people out there who already use an iPod or iPhone, and enough of them will buy an iPad to make it as success. And yet, as Amazon’s and the various netbook makers’ stock jumped Thursday morning, there is a gnawing feeling out there that the iPad doesn’t come close to living up to the world’s expectations.