Thanks to new NEA guidelines, anybody can be an artist! Are you a musician? filmmaker? Web designer? Guerrilla marketer? Graffiti tagger? HopCore ElectroChill DJ? Freelance vandal? Whatever your mode of expressive behavior the NEA has a sweet load of grant money waiting — and qualifying has never been easier! Do you have —

* an ironic trucker hat?
* ironic facial hair?
* ironic douchebag glasses?
* a vocabulary that includes “bringing utilities” and “mindspace”?
* deep insecurities about your place in the art world hipster food chain?
* a slavish desire to do the bidding of your government?
* no idea what “ironic” really means?