The Democratic cornucopia

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

As we conservatives gather for another colonialist remembrance feast featuring what our friends at PETA describe as ‘torture on the holiday table’, it’s also a time of reflection for the events of the year and to count one’s blessings for the gifts bestowed upon them.

As for me, I’m a conservative talk show producer. What helps me afford the 28% increased cost of this Thanksgiving dinner is Democrats far and wide saying things on video or committing to policies that allow for show prep. Some of my 28 years in this job have been lean in material, but thanks be to God, this year was indeed a bountiful harvest. And for that, I am truly thankful.

I’m thankful we have an octogenarian president who to this day appears to be the best option available for the Democratic Party to run for president in 2024, complete with a 37% job approval rating.

I’m thankful that inflation is finally coming back in line, with the most recent data point, October’s PPP, only 8.3% higher than October of 2021, which itself was 8.6% higher than October of 2020. It’s that 17% over two-year inflation reduction plan that keeps the American populace happy and sane.

I’m thankful that after 769 days, CBS News reported that it appears Hunter Biden may have abandoned a laptop with some sensitive information on it that might not be all that helpful to ‘The Big Guy’.

I’m thankful Nancy Pelosi is committed for now to continue her work in the House of Representatives in her new non-leadership role of leadership from the backbench.

I’m thankful that Joe Biden listened to and respected the Supreme Court’s final word on his plea to forgive student loan debt, and instead of complying with the courts, used a pandemic that is no longer a thing to pause repayments of those loans until June of 2023…until he postpones it again in a sequence of temporary permanence.

I’m thankful that we’re going to bask in the oratorial stylings of newly-minted Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on the floor of the United States Senate. It’ll surely bring a tear to the eye. Of this, I have no doubt.

I’m thankful that we have a secretary of Homeland Security who is fervently assuring all of us that in spite of the thermal imagery that we see on a daily basis, the Southern Border is indeed secure, and any attempt to say anything to the contrary will be met with government-coerced secret meetings with social media to de-platform you as disinformation.

I’m thankful that much of left-leaning corporate America execs held the line on payrolls until the midterm elections were over, and are now signaling their alignment with the reality of what the economy truly is going through in the form of job layoffs. It won’t be a problem for all these future Americans to be out of work. Our President said they can just learn to code.

I’m thankful that we have a virtually endless supply of energy we can produce and develop here, making ourselves immune from the instability of world events, were we to so choose to become energy independent. Thanks to the likes of John Fetterman, who apparently has fallen in love with the idea of fracking, he’ll be a vocal advocate against the desires of White House czars like John Kerry who want to shut it all down.

I’m especially thankful that in the White House Press Room, we finally have a press secretary that is articulate and clear-eyed in her ability to explain the positions of this president in such a thoughtful manner like this.

I’m thankful that Twitter finally has a boss that has enabled much of America’s celebrity left to demonstrate their full understanding and tolerance of free speech rights.

I’m thankful for all good intentions of Dr. Anthony Fauci and the medical COVID cabal for always keeping to the facts and not misleading us in any way as to the efficacy of vaccines and how much they prevent one from getting the dreaded disease. Fauci, for one, has never wavered in the narrative he’s told, even if you show two interviews given the same day, no more than an hour apart, where he contradicts himself completely.

I’m thankful we have a Vice President who brought television sitcom parody to life in a such a consistent manner. Her ability to form full-paragraph palindromes is truly a once-in-a-generation talent that we won’t see again anytime soon.

I’m thankful that school boards all across the country decided that they know what’s best for your child’s educational growth and development more than you as the parent does, and that education includes gay-themed pornography as well as loathing for the founding of the country.

I’m grateful we have a President who is oversees a foreign policy team that is hellbent on strengthening the most malign actor in the greater Middle East while simultaneously abandoning U.S. personnel in Afghanistan to a despotic regime to which we surrendered.

I’m personally grateful to live in a state governed by a class of people that told us six months ago we had an expected budget surplus of $95 billion for next year, only to be told two weeks ago that they’ve revised that expectation down to a $25 billion dollar deficit. Such bold stewardship of state government is hard to come by these days.

I’m thankful for the tireless efforts of Stacey Abrams, Charlie Crist, and Robert Francis O’Rourke (No matter how hard you try, I refuse to call an adult Irish man Beto.) Their electoral problems this year were not issue-oriented. They just were too self-limited on their aspirations. They should all try to primary Joe Biden in 2024 and take their campaign strategies national.

And of course, I’m grateful for a Beltway media complex that is so committed to objectivity when it comes to reporting the news. I’m especially thankful for NBC’s new rising star, Ben Collins, who apparently has become the network’s official “Republicans are evil incarnate” correspondent. His rise to replace the likes of Jim Acosta and Brian Stelter over at CNN and Tiffany Cross at MSNBC is a welcomed development for someone in my line of work.

Don’t let the holidays get you down, lefties. You’re not just preaching to the choir. There are plenty of other people like myself who appreciate what you’re doing more than you’ll ever know. You keep being you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and if you have an urge to say something provocative, make sure you record it for posterity and post it on Twitter or YouTube. I’ll be forever grateful.

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