CNN Anchor: On Fifth Thought, Our Teleprompter May Have Gotten That Terror Attack A Skosh Wrong

Between CNN and The View, we may have a new genre emerging in the narrative-policing sphere: the performative retraction. 

Here's how it works. First, report as "news" or "fact" something that absolutely confirms your own worldview without actually checking to see if it's true. Actually, that's most of what CNN and The View do on air anyway. Second: When incontrovertible evidence emerges that contradicts your claims, refer to it as 'further context,' or even better, 'another person's opinion.' When the lawyers show up with a cease-and-desist, that's when phase three gets deployed: the passive-voice retraction that amounts to "mistakes were made."

Unfortunately, CNN deployed its phase-three efforts multiple times, but like a volley of Saddam's Scuds, the "oopsie" tweets from multiple CNN hosts and reporters kept dropping back on their own heads, including Abby Phillip. That forced Phillip to do a View-esque on-air retraction, which still managed to retain hints of the mistakes were made passive-voice buck-passing:

Due to massive backlash, Abby Phillip issues on-air correction for falsely saying Mamdani was the target of the NYC bomb attack:

"I incorrectly said that the bombs that were thrown by ISIS inspired suspects in New York over the weekend were directed at Mayor Mamdani. They were… pic.twitter.com/0Qw0zVyPfW

— Western Lensman (@WesternLensman) March 12, 2026

"I incorrectly said that the bombs that were thrown by ISIS inspired suspects in New York over the weekend were directed at Mayor Mamdani. They were not."

"I failed to catch and correct that mistake in real time, and I take full responsibility for that."

Translation: It wasn't me! It was the one-armed Teleprompter guy! It wasn't my mistake ... I just "failed to catch it."

Worth noting: This is not just a retraction; it's also a tacit admission that her earlier "retraction" was just a manipulative effort at blame-shifting. She's still not really taking responsibility for getting the story wrong in the first place, even though the entire sequence had been caught on video. Phillip also has nothing to say about CNN's attempts to frame the story as a lament about how two 'teenagers' came to the big city, only to find themselves caught up in a terror attack that they planned and conducted themselves with pre-built bombs. 

Talk about performative narratives. CNN has been the butt of jokes for a long time, but this episode has all but turned this news organization into a meme machine. For the last few days, every wag on social media has recast historical crimes and atrocities in CNNish, with hilarious results. Allow me to try out my CNN speak, circa 1963:

A political activist and world traveler decided to take advantage of a surprisingly clear Dallas afternoon by taking in the view from the sixth-floor window of a Texas bookseller. Little did he know that the day's events would thrust him and his high-powered rifle into history when a presidential motorcade happened to pass by. 

What would the performative retraction sound like? Let me try my hand with that too:

We incorrectly said that the attack on the presidential motorcade by a former defector to the Soviet Union was an attack on the driver of President Kennedy's limousine, motivated by personal animosity towards chauffeurs. We failed to catch that error in real time, and we take full responsibility for that. 

Yes, that's a joke. So is CNN. 

One has to wonder, though, why CNN tried so hard to correct itself on this occasion. No one's suing, which is usually what prompts corrections to the performative narratives, and in fact is normally the only thing that would prompt a correction or retraction. I'm just spitballing here, but the acquisition of CNN by David Ellison and Paramount in the Warner Discovery buyout will likely put CNN into the hands of Bari Weiss, or someone very much like her. That might have their newroom – or at least the current executives of CNN – considering the consequences of performative narratives and pushing falsehoods:

Phony baloney is just about perfect in the age of performative narratives and performative retractions. Just ask Nick Sandmann. 

David has more in an upcoming post, because Lord knows, CNN is an unending resource for baloney, phony or otherwise. 

Editor's Note: The mainstream media continues to deflect, gaslight, spin, and lie about, well, everything – President Trump, his administration, radical Islamists, Israel, and conservatives.

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