Elizabeth Holmes has carved out a real niche for herself at the Wall Street Journal. The last we heard from Holmes, she breathlessly reported on the connection between Hillary Clinton’s schedules and the death of Vince Foster — by explaining that they showed no connection at all. She continues her beat at the No News Desk with a dishy take on John McCain’s love life …. from fifty years ago:

While McCain’s recounting of their whirlwind courtship is entertaining (“I kissed her to a chorus of rowdy cheers from my shipmates,” he writes) a far more salacious version appears in Robert Timberg’s “John McCain: An American Odyssey.”

During Christmas leave, Timberg writes, McCain traveled back to Brazil for a four-day visit. However, the pair was always accompanied by the wealthy model’s aunt or servant—until the last night of his visit.

McCain went to the model’s house for dinner but found the door unlocked. He let himself in and heard a voice call from the bedroom, “I’ll be right out.” When the model appeared, “she was not, McCain would later say, dressed for dinner,” Timberg wrote.

Wow! What a scoop! McCain got lucky — in 1957. Okay, okay, with a Brazilian model, which hits a little higher on the cool scale than most military-academy graduates, but otherwise, how exactly is this news? College graduates sometime have carnal relations with girl- and boyfriends, many of whom they do not go on to marry. If this is news to Holmes, she’s either 12 years old or needs to get out of the house more often.

The best part of the story (which is to say when it gets worst) comes when Holmes laments the fact that the Brazilian model’s name gets left out of the retelling. First, it would be rather ungentlemanly for McCain to give out her name, a point that escapes Holmes. Second, how could it possibly matter? Does anyone remember any Brazilian model working in the 1950s, for Pete’s sake? In two years, no one’s going to remember who Ashley Dupre was, and the Eliot Spitzer crash is at least a news story.

Normally the Wall Street Journal offers better-than-average editorial decisions, but for some reason, Holmes gets a pass. This wouldn’t even make passable amateur blog material, let alone a column at one of the most prominent news organizations in the country. Shouldn’t Holmes look for a job at TMZ rather than occupy space at the WSJ? That’s the site for celebrity nookie watch, although even TMZ would probably pass on this snoozer of an item.

Update: Jazz Shaw’s yawning at TMV, too, which is not to be mistaken for TMZ.

Update II: How does this article start out?  “So many stories, so little time.”  If there are too many stories to tell in a limited space of time, why tell this one?