One of the liberal tropes about gun ownership is that men buy them to compensate for their, uh, "hand" size (or "foot" size, if you subscribe to that theory...). 

And by "hand," I mean penis. 

The argument is that men with small "units" overcompensate by buying guns in order to feel powerful, given that we feel our masculinity is in question. Obviously, liberals make this claim at least partly to insult or shame us, but I suspect that there is also some sociological theory behind the claim. 

Call it a variation on the Napoleon complex. 

Well, a sociologist has tested out this theory and has found that the opposite is the case; the more satisfied a man is with his length and girth the more likely he is to own a gun. 

Do men with big guns have small penises? Science finally reveals what they’re really packin’ https://t.co/LE3cbbnzBa pic.twitter.com/iRLPu1urEJ

— New York Post (@nypost) June 4, 2024

Ha! I think it's time to buy another gun! A really big one, too!

There’s a good reason to ask whether or not it’s a gun in their pocket.

The long-held myth that men who own guns are … err, overcompensating for something … has been debunked by scientists in a new study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health.

Rather, researchers at the University of Texas at San Antonio found that men quite satisfied with certain physical assets are most likely to have guns.

The correlation between the male sexual psyche and behaviors like buying big houses, driving loud cars and dating young women is a common comedic trope in popular culture as well a topic of legitimate sociological speculation, including the suggestion that men who are preoccupied with guns are also insecure about their small penis.

“Contrary to popular beliefs, our current study shows that men who are more satisfied with the size of their penises are more likely to personally own guns,” said study author Terrence D. Hill, a professor at UTSA.

Next time I walk into a bar I will start discussing my gun collection! Women will certainly be impressed. 

I should admit that I have never bought the claim that there was any connection between gun ownership and penis size, at least the correlation that has been claimed by the leftists in order to shame us out of buying guns. It always struck me as a stupid tactic on their part, because the type of man who buys a gun or ten is unlikely to care much what a soy-boy thinks about their masculinity. 

In contrast to popular belief, researchers found that the more dissatisfied men were with their penises, the less likely they were to own a gun — subtracting 11% probability of gun-toting with each step down in penis size satisfaction.

The chances of owning a military-style rifle were even lower — 20% — with each increased unit of penis size dissatisfaction.

“As a social scientist, my primary interest is to understand the role of guns in society. This includes the social causes and social consequences of gun ownership,” Hill said. “There is a lot of speculation in society that men who have trouble with their penises (e.g., erection issues or smaller than desired penises) are more likely to own guns. This raises questions about the causes of gun ownership or which groups in society are more or less likely to own guns.”

However, the findings fall short of asserting that only well-endowed fellas seek out firearms.

“Because there is no theory for why men with bigger penises would be more likely to own guns, we do not believe that this association is real. In other words, we believe that this association is likely spurious or due to factors that we failed to account for in our study,” Hill told PsyPost.

It has always struck me as both ironic and emblematic of the liberal misunderstanding of conservatives that they always try to attack the masculinity of conservatives. Liberals always make sly jokes about conservatives being gay, about the size of Trump's hands, and of course, the claim that we buy guns to overcompensate for our penis size. 

It's based on the assumption that we are so insecure about such things that we care what liberals think. We don't. To have a person who calls a man in a dress a "woman" insult our masculinity is more amusing than anxiety-inducing. 

Of course, I make no claims to being especially masculine. I am a short, pudgy guy, and we only have three guns in the household, two of which are my wife's. And as far as I know, she has never thought about her own penis size, for which I am very grateful. 

This whole conversation is stupid, of course, but it is revealing in its own way. It reinforces what we already know from common experience: liberals haven't a clue how conservatives think, what motivates us, or how to persuade us. No doubt, for most conservatives the same is true of liberals--although it is generally a bit easier for us because we get bombarded by liberal cultural signals far more than liberals get bombarded by conservative attitudes. 

Personally, I have never wondered about the penis size of any gun owner, nor do I contemplate other men's penis size in general. 

That's creepy.