I'm all for San Francisco's reparations

AP Photo/Eric Risberg

San Francisco’s Human Rights Commission has laid a proposal on the table to pay reparations to African Americans in their city.

It’s a modest proposal. Only $5 million per black resident, provided they meet some modestly stringent requirements such as actually “identifying as black” and being actual San Francisco residents. Having been built upon the California Gold Rush, the city is aware that people might flock to the city in search of a lucrative gold strike.


Other provisions include, on top of the $5 million one-time payment a supplementary income bonus to ensure that recipients meet the average median income of the region (currently $97,000 a year), and black residents are eligible to get this benefit for the next 250 years. There are other provisions, but those are the biggies. $5 million plus income supplementation for yourself and your descendants for 2 1/2 centuries.

I’m all for it. 100%. San Francisco has a lot to atone for, and by all means, let’s see justice done.

No justice, no peace!

If this proposal is not fully implemented I strongly encourage people of all races to riot, loot, burn businesses down, and shoplift at whatever Walgreens remain in the city. Peacefully, of course. Or mostly peacefully, anyway.

Critics complain that this will bankrupt the city, and they are right. The costs will be astronomical and enduring since the city is on the hook for income supplementation for 250 years. But how can anybody worry about such trivial matters as practicality when justice itself is at stake?

Critics further argue that the proposal demands that people who were not victims be paid by people who did not victimize them and that this is unjust. To which I answer: melanin.


Science™ tells us that melanin can explain every disproportion in life, and people who identify as black usually have more melanin in their skin than people who don’t. To claim otherwise is to be a White supremacist. I am reliably assured of this by “All the Right People™.”

Now it is true that San Francisco might experience the single largest case of White flight since Detroit imploded with its riots, but that only proves that White people are evil, and taxes can be raised on businesses to compensate. Unless the businesses then leave, in which case we can raise taxes on those newly-wealthy black people flush with $5 million payments.

The flight of non-Black San Franciscans unwilling to fork over their own income might also prove a boon to the homeless in the city. Think of all those lovely Victorian homes suddenly unoccupied, just waiting for homeless people to inhabit. Give them some free needles, some heroin and meth, and they would be thrilled. The sidewalk poop problem will be solved, mostly.

Besides, that is for some future Board of Supervisors to figure out. For the moment there is an election to consider.


San Francisco would be a fine place to perform the reparations experiment. Its population is particularly concerned with justice and will surely embrace its responsibility for righting the wrongs of the past, and lastly, the implosion of the city will be wildly entertaining for both Blacks and Whites in the thriving southern states.

So unlike most of my conservative friends, I wholeheartedly endorse San Francisco’s bold proposal to repair the generational damage done to the melanin-enriched of the city. I hope they do it.


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