It sounds trite to say that some news item sounds like it came from a satirical publication, but how else does one explain jettisoning Abraham Lincoln for lack of wokeness? Two words: “San Francisco.” The city’s school board ordered the removal of names from schools that honored historical figures with “offensive histories,” which includes the Great Emancipator who ended slavery in the US.

No, really:

Forty-four schools will get renamed, including Lincoln High School:

Those 44 schools whose namesakes are thought, by many, to have dishonorable legacies.

Some of the campuses impacted are: Lowell High, Lincoln High, Washington High, Roosevelt Middle, John Muir Elementary and Feinstein Elementary School.

Lincoln High because of his treatment of Native Americans and Feinstein Elementary because of a confederate flag issue while she was mayor.

The San Francisco Chronicle reports that critics called the process “slapdash,” which seems like a pretty minor criticism over this exercise of woke nihilism. That might be especially true considering that California schools aren’t even delivering an education at the moment, and the school name seems like a rather strange priority even if change is somehow justified:

“I must admit there are reasons to support this resolution, but I can’t,” said community member Jean Barish, who said the process has been flawed and based on emotion rather than expertise. “These are not decisions that should be made in haste.”

School board members, however, have insisted that the renaming is timely and important, given the country’s reckoning with a racist past. They have argued the district is capable of pursuing multiple priorities at the same time, responding to critics who say more pressing issues deserve attention. …

Many San Francisco parents — as well as Mayor London Breed — argued the effort was ill-timed given the pandemic and the impact on children, especially students of color, and the fact that students are not even in the schools subject to renaming. Some criticized the board Tuesday for focusing on symbolism rather than the urgent reality facing struggling students, who are approaching a year in distance learning, with many struggling academically, socially and emotionally.

And the renaming is likely to be costly.

It’s unclear how much the district will spend on new signage, repainted sports fields or gym floors, athletic, band or other uniforms, and other administrative costs. But based on other districts across the country, it could cost San Francisco at least $1 million to rename the 44 school sites and potentially significantly more.

Feinstein’s name got taken down for her replacement of a Confederate flag in a public display after it got defaced in a protest. It might have been better to remove it for her stupid grandstanding in the Richard Ramirez “Night Stalker” case. One can also question why schools should be named after still-living figures too, but no one griped about that with the Obama’s twelve years ago.

Who else has a “dishonorable legacy,” according to the Frisco elite?

• George Washington
• Paul Revere
• The Roosevelts, both Teddy and Franklin
• Thomas Jefferson
• James Monroe
• Francis Scott Key
• John Muir (!)
• The Presidio

Oddly, two other presidents who died from assassination are included in the “dishonorable legacy” list — James Garfield, who barely took office at all, and William McKinley. For some reason, El Dorado — a legend about a city of gold — also has a “dishonorable legacy.” Frisco’s elite also wants to forget the Alamo, and they’re also not keen on remembering the missions.

If you’re so woke that you find Abraham Lincoln insufficiently honorable, the problem is you. But it’s a handy media distraction for a school board that can’t educate in a city that can’t clean up the feces in its streets and a state that can’t handle a vaccination program. The disgrace is really all but complete for California. The dishonor here belongs entirely to San Francisco and its elites.