To cleanse the palate, he made it across Canada, Germany, and the Netherlands without incident. In the U.S.? Rubble in less than two weeks. His safe travels were a “huge test of human kindness,” per NBC, all but guaranteeing that the robot would never leave Philadelphia in one piece. In fact, the only surprise is that the perpetrator didn’t cut his head clean off.

Wait, my mistake. The head was, in fact, cut clean off. Presumably it’ll reemerge at the Eagles’ home opener, where it’ll be ceremonially smashed with a rock at midfield as part of the pregame.

You know what the worst part of this story is? They’re inevitably going to rebuild him and put him back on the streets somewhere in the U.S., and he’s going to end up getting torn apart again. I wonder how many rebuilds it’ll take before he makes it to California. Over/under is eight.

Update: The guy caught on camera stomping HitchBOT to Hitch-bits was wearing, quite naturally, a Philadelphia Eagles jersey.