Finally: The Depressionmobile

I call it the Betamalemobile, a reader in Headlines calls it the Bailoutmobile. Either way, this is what we’ll all be driving once the Dow loses another five thousand points and we can’t afford the Recessionmobile anymore. See Jalopnik for the specs: 300 lbs., max speed of 35 mph, capable of running for 35 miles on a single charge to its lithium-ion battery, which makes it ideal for men with short commutes who plan on never attracting a woman again. Worried that the light frame means you might not survive a head-on collision with, say, a moped? Don’t be. The designers are going to wire all the vehicles into some central network so that they all run in perfect synchronicity and there’s never any traffic, or something.

Did I forget to mention who the designers are? Why, Segway, of course, and … General Motors. The comeback is on, baby!