Ohhhh yes: FBI raids Epstein's Pedophile Island

There are photos galore of the raid in progress over at the Daily Mail, although why it isn’t being livestreamed on cable news via FBI bodycam I can’t begin to guess. It’d draw the biggest audience since the moon landing.


It’s not like there’s a criminal trial to prepare for anymore, after all. Just give the island the “Al Capone’s vault” treatment, this time with a real payoff.

No, seriously, though, I write for a living and yet I lack the vocabulary to express my excitement at the thought that we may soon have the answer to the single greatest mystery on Earth, a secret that’s confounded mankind for years, the only information on this infernal planet that’s truly worth knowing:

What’s up with that temple on Epstein’s Rape Island?

Structures whose true purpose I’m curious about, in order:

3. The pyramids
2. Stonehenge
1. Epstein’s Rape Temple

If you’ve read this post you know how feverish the speculation is. Until today, I believe this is the closest anyone hostile to Epstein has come to getting a peek inside:

Looks like three mattresses piled up by the windows. Wasn’t this supposed to be a “music room”?

And why have the wooden doors been boarded up? Had someone already broken through them when that clip was posted a few days ago?

I have an image of the feds bursting through the doors only to find Bill Clinton sitting in a chair in the middle of the darkened room, a glass of wine in hand. “Hello. I’ve been expecting you.”


Now that the secrets of the temple will soon be revealed, we should start looking ahead to the world’s second greatest mystery: In the words of Tiana Lowe, “Where the hell is Ghislaine Maxwell?”

Maxwell, who moved to Manhattan in 1991 after her father fell off a boat and died, remained in the city’s social scene for many years even after Epstein’s publicized case privately secured a non-prosecution deal that protected Maxwell and friends. Even though she had been closely linked to Epstein, she faced even less public blowback than him, remaining a tabloid fixture until Giuffre pursued a bold civil lawsuit against Maxwell. The suit was settled in the plaintiff’s favor. The settlement size remains undisclosed, but Maxwell’s legal costs lead her to sell her $15 million New York residence.

As of 2017, her lawyers claim she’s likely in London, but given the threat she poses to Prince Andrew, that seems unlikely. If pressed, no one could provide a more damning testimony to the United States against the accused royal, and it seems unlikely that Maxwell would gamble on her safety by remaining a sitting duck in a city dominated by people with a vested interest in her death.

What if she’s been in the basement of the Rape Temple this entire time, overseeing the incubation of tens of thousands of Epstein clones as part of his “seed the world with my DNA” plan for global domination?


Or maybe she’s hiding out in Europe somewhere and the Rape Temple is actually just a gym or something. It can’t possibly live up to the hype of our darkest suspicions so we’re probably better off if the truth is completely mundane.

Although even if it is, don’t forget: There’s a safe in Epstein’s home on the island that holds material so sensitive that people weren’t allowed to even enter the room where it’s located. The Rape Temple is likely to be a bust whereas the safe might hold the mother lode of Epstein’s international jet-set blackmail material.

Will we ever get to see it, perhaps as part of his victims’ civil suits against his estate?

In lieu of an exit question, here’s Shep Smith interviewing a former case manager at the Bureau of Prisons today about Epstein’s circumstances at MCC. Smith is skeptical: Granted, ordinary prisoners aren’t watched 24/7 if they’re not on suicide watch, but Epstein was no ordinary prisoner. If there are special protocols for special prisoners like terrorists, why wasn’t there one for Epstein given how many powerful enemies he had?

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