Madonna: "Don't you think Jesus would agree that a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body?"

She wants to raise this with the Pope himself. Literally, of the million possible questions one might ask the Pope, this is among the 0.001 percent where it’s so easy to guess what his answer would be that you needn’t even bother asking.

If you can’t guess, put the question to literally any pro-life Catholic you know. A hint: The words “innocent life” are likely to figure prominently in the reply.

Imagine being granted an audience with the most prominent religious leader on Earth, spiritual shepherd of a billion Catholics, and the big stumper you’ve prepared for him is one rung up from “So you believe the bread literally turns into Christ’s body, or what?” It’s like “The Chris Farley Show” guest-hosted by a washed-up celebrity. “Remember that time Jesus turned the water into wine? Awesome.

Would Jesus agree that American pop singers shouldn’t affect strange foreign-sounding accents because they stupidly think it makes them sound smarter? That’s what I’d ask the Pope.

Meh, now I feel guilty for having paid any attention to Madonna. Here, in order to atone, enjoy Mitt Romney suggesting that there should be some sort of “reporting system” available in America — some agency, perhaps, possibly housed in the DOJ — which people could alert when foreign agents attempt to interfere with a U.S. election. I think he’s right. There really should be a federal bureau for investigation of such things. Exit question: Did he mean that there should be a legal obligation to report interference, a la Mark Warner’s bill? That would make more sense.