Fine, let's talk about the new Cheetos chicken slop from KFC

To cleanse the palate, by special request. Can it really be almost two years since the last Frankenfood post on this site?

Relatedly, today is the first time in two years that the news cycle has slowed down.

This is extremely lazy Frankenfood, although not without its charm.

KFC lovingly describes in a press release: “Made by coating a juicy, hand-breaded Extra Crispy chicken filet with special Cheetos sauce and placing it on a toasted bun with mayo and a layer of crunchy Cheetos, the Cheetos Sandwich will give you a blast of craveable Cheetos in every bite.” In this manner, KFC doubles up on the Cheetos-ness, providing a Cheetos sauce (the mind reels) as well as actual Cheetos in the sandwich.

You’re reading that and thinking, “So they opened up a package of Cheetos and spread a few on their standard chicken sandwich. I could do that myself.” Not exactly, no. There’s a “special” Cheetos sauce too, which, judging from the photo, looks like nothing more than a thin cheese sauce with a little Cheeto puree in it. But your instinct is sound. In fact, as you’ll see below, there’s already a video on YouTube by some guy who wanted to try this but didn’t want to have to drive to the southeastern United States to do so. So he bought a regular KFC chicken sandwich, layered on some flaming hot Cheetos for kick — an inspired choice — and gave it a squeeze of Mayochup.

Imagine how lazy your corporate Frankenfood needs to be for a random dude to improve upon it with an idea he had en route to the restaurant. The addition of Mayochup is particularly shrewd, as it may be the only Frankenfood in existence lazier than the KFC Cheetos sandwich itself.

It’s so lazy that KFC might as well turn it into a contest: “How many ways can you think of to top our new offering in eight seconds, using just the stuff that’s within arm’s reach next to the checkout at your supermarket?”

And yet, it has its charms. It’s not the worst or even the laziest Cheeto-themed Frankenfood America has produced. The textural contrast between the meat and the Cheetos must be pleasant, I imagine, in case breaded chicken isn’t crunchy enough for you. Most of all, I appreciate its unabashed lowest-common-denominator appeal. Some people online are sniffing that this isn’t much different from putting fries on a sandwich, but that’s not right. Potatoes are a respectably nutritious food, even in fast-food form. Cheetos are trash. If I said to you, “Picture a morbidly obese guy puttering around Wal-Mart on a Rascal with a bag of snacks in hand. What snack is it?”, you know what you’d say.

That’s what I want when I go to a fast-food place: I want to enjoy my food but I also want to feel shame. It’s not a proper Frankenfood experience if, at some point during the meal, you don’t have the thought, “What has become of me?” KFC appreciates the importance of shame. This is a chain, after all, that’s begun marketing their slop by touting how much it weighs. I appreciate them for it.