On the eighth day, God created Smalt

The goal of technology is to make people’s lives simpler and more productive, unless you’re a well-to-do gadgethead with a below-average IQ. In that case the goal of technology is to perform simple tasks in needlessly complicated, gratuitously interconnected ways. Meet Smalt, the first smart … salt dispenser. Want a sprinkle of salt on your food? Instead of reaching for a traditional salt shaker and completing the task in one and a half seconds, why not reach for your phone, open up an app, punch in how much salt you want, wait for it to dispense, remove the serving tray from Smalt’s base, then dump it onto your meal in a breezy 45 seconds or so?

Really. It really exists.

In a country of 300 million, there’s probably someone who’ll conclude for whatever odd reason that they should buy this instead of an Amazon Echo plus a two-dollar salt shaker. If we’re close enough already to “Idiocracy” to have made the Juicero a reality, we’re close enough for the Smalt people to move a few dozen units.

Best-case scenario: It ends up as a gag gift among drug dealers who use it as a coke dispenser.