Inevitable: Argument over whether Star Wars or Star Trek is better ends in assault, knife wound

To cleanse the palate, the only surprise is that this protracted national debate took so long to turn violent.

At last, my friends, the second American civil war has begun.

Oklahoma City Police Department reports show that Whyte and another man were in the living room of an apartment in the 1400 block of NW 16 Street when they began arguing if Star Wars or Star Trek was better. The victim told police he became frustrated and stated “You’re just a trick” before walking back to his room.

Whyte allegedly followed the man and shoved him to the ground. The victim got back up and told police he stated “You wanna replay that?” and was once again shoved to the ground. Police say Whyte then wrapped his arm around the victim’s neck and began choking him. The victim was near unconsciousness when he pulled out a pocket knife. Whyte let go and reached for the knife, cutting himself. He then left the room.

How do you report a story like this without saying which man favored Star Wars and which favored Star Trek? And more importantly, what the substance of the arguments was? Was this a “Kirk was cooler than Solo” dispute or a broader debate on the narrative merits of the two franchises? The details are important. If the victim told Whyte that Khan was a better villain than Darth Vader, Whyte has an ironclad “justifiable use of force” defense.

I had a situation like this with a friend recently myself. He turned to me and said, “The Walking Dead sucks.” And I said … “Well, yes.” Then we moved on to arguing about Star Wars versus Star Trek. Exit question: Can Trekkies manage a two-front war? How do you hold off the Star Wars advance while the internecine conflict between fans of the original series and fans of “Next Generation” rages interminably?