Who’s to say whether Fields is a psycho who’d self-harm or lie about an injury purely to create a bad media cycle for poor Mr. Trump or whether the bruise came from Corey Lewandowski grabbing her on the arm, just as she’s claimed — with video evidence supporting her — since day one? We may never know. But I’ll bet Jupiter PD has a pretty solid working theory.

For the first time in this campaign, I found myself wondering what Newt Gingrich and Ann Coulter were thinking today as Team Trump practiced its own special form of damage control. The two complained about Trump’s attack on Heidi Cruz not just because it’s petty and “unpresidential” but because it threw him off-message from his bread and butter, which is repatriating American jobs and tightening the borders to keep illegals and Muslims out. Imagine the looks on their faces when, a week out from Wisconsin, with Scott Walker’s endorsement of Cruz in the news, Trump decided to go all-in on Grabgate:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/714891184867508224
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/714898756420939780

Reading those tweets and watching the clips below, all I could think of was Captain Queeg talking about the strawberries. They don’t even make sense on their own terms. Is what happened to Fields much ado about nothing or is she guilty of the same serious transgression that Lewandowski’s been charged with by, uh, brushing against Trump’s sleeve?

To review, Trump's argument is that Lewandowski didn't yank Fields hard enough to assault her *AND* that she grazed him so that's assault.

— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) March 29, 2016

Newt and Ann will never give up on him, and it sounds increasingly like Rush Limbaugh is Trump 4 Life, but I wonder how many voters will decide that the Trump circus is simply too exhausting to force the country to endure it day in and day out for four years. That’s another way in which the GOP was supposed to have an advantage over Hillary this year. If you’re looking for a national reprieve from endless drama and scandal, don’t vote for a Clinton is usually good advice. Except maybe Clinton is actually the lesser of two evils on the ballot this year when it comes to headache-starting political carnivals. Somehow, faced with an opponent who’s widely disliked, who’s known for being a weak campaigner, and whose personal baggage is apt to sink her in a general election, we’re on the cusp of nominating a guy who’s disliked to an historic degree, who may not field a traditional campaign apparatus beyond what the RNC can cobble together for him, and who’s got 40 years of tabloid dirty laundry for Democrats to sift through. They’re going to nominate the would-be first woman president and we’re going to nominate a guy who defends a friend who’s just been charged with battery against a young woman by hinting that maybe she put those bruises on herself.

Fields will be on Megyn Kelly’s show tonight and Trump will be on — where else? — Sean Hannity’s. That’s the state of Fox News in a nutshell. I need a drink.

Update: Make that two drinks.