God bless America: Powdered alcohol to hit markets soon

Finally, a solution to the eternal dilemma: Cereal for breakfast this morning, or beer? Soon you won’t have to choose.

But then, some of us never did.

Mark [Phillips] is an active guy…hiking, biking, camping, kayaking, etc. After hours of an activity, he sometimes wanted to relax and enjoy a refreshing adult beverage. But those activities, and many others, don’t lend themselves to lugging heavy bottles of wine, beer or spirits. The only liquid he wanted to carry was water.

So he thought? Wouldn’t it be great to have alcohol in powder form so all one had to do is add water? Since powder is light and compact, it wouldn’t be a burden to carry.

Just a little something for the avid sportsman to add to his campfire coffee at the end of a long day. That’s how the website is pitching this today. As of a few days ago, before the media took notice, the website read … differently:

What’s worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost…

We’ve been talking about drinks so far. But we have found adding Palcohol to food is so much fun. Sprinkle Palcohol on almost any dish and give it an extra kick. Some of our favorites are the Kamikaze in guacamole, Rum on a BBQ sandwich, Cosmo on a salad and Vodka on eggs in the morning to start your day off right. Experiment. Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.

The section on snorting has been changed too. Today it warns people not to try it because they’ve added something to the powder to increase the volume, meaning you’d have to snort half a cup just to get the effect of one drink. As of a few days ago they were warning people not to try it because … you’ll get high really fast and that’ll “mess you up.” I wonder which warning the public will take to heart once this is on the shelves at the local Kwikee Drunk.

My first thought was that this would be useful chiefly during air travel, but there’s no way TSA is letting people bring unidentified powder onboard, right? Even if they did, the airlines will presumably ban it straightaway lest economy class turn into the upper deck at an Eagles game. Beyond that, I expect there’ll be two deterrents to use: Price, if it turns out that the powder’s not significantly cheaper than most popular alcoholic beverages, and of course social stigma. If I see you pull a packet of Palcohol from your pocket, you’d better be either going camping or on your way back or else, I fear, I may draw certain inferences. (Note to self: Tuck a rolled-up sleeping bag under your arm on future visits to the liquor store.)

Needless to say, if you’re the parent of a teenager, you should probably pull him/her out of school now just to be safe. Exit question for administrative lawyers: I’m seeing some surprise online that the feds would approve this product, but is it really that surprising? If the drug itself is already legal, I imagine agencies like the FDA and TTB have limited discretion to reject a product purely because the delivery mechanism is unorthodox.